#i feel like it was just yesterday that i was like 12

[orangeshinigami]

.

[kyouka-supremacy]

I think we should put more emphasis on how Akutagawa's love is killing him. Descriptions of his feelings for Atsushi should draw from death imagery more. Atsushi's smile is devastatingly beautiful to Akutagawa. His laughter is lethal. Atsushi's touch feels scorching hot. When he's near, the air around becomes unbreathable. He hugs Akutagawa, and Akutagawa feels like his bones are being crushed under those new and overwhelming feelings. Akutagawa drowning in Atsushi's eyes, sinking in his embrace. Akutagawa's love for Atsushi is piercing, painful, Akutagawa's heart is wounded and bleeding. Akutagawa is smitten. All contributing to represent how Akutagawa's love for Atsushi is going to be the end for him. And it was! And he is doomed by his very love, by his very ability of feeling human emotions. Akutagawa's love for Atsushi is going to be the reason he dies.

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[campirefangs]

I have had a crush on the brides brother since we were 10 and 12 and I flirted with him and left the wedding with his phone number, we refollowed each other on our new instagrams, and he made a point to stop and reintroduce himself because he hadn’t met me since I changed my name and pronouns. best of all? he told me he “fell in love with me” the first day I met him when I jokingly made fun of him and then he tried to cover his ass by joking about the friend of mine he had a crush on for a while bc she led him on and he gave me three hugs goodbye and he liked the pictures I posted from the wedding and liked my Instagram story

[lettucing]

tomorrow is 4 years since unus annus ended jesus christ someone sedate me.

[halinski]

rant in tags about perscription medication and withdrawals

continued here bc i reached tag limit and i'm still??

it's kinda scary tbh

like i was scared for years now of what would happen off my meds and

when i tried tapering off my antidepressants oof i was breaking down every day and now i /know/ i'm dependant on them and idk if that's better or worse

and with the antipsychotics it's like i thought they were helping my depression too bc when tapering off i was also so panicked and depressed (tho my situation is kinda stressful rn)

but idk i've been trying meds on and off for half my life now and most of the time i'm like 🤷

but the truth is

it's fucking scary how it messes with your body

it's fucking scary when you're dependant on a pill

OR ALSO

when pills fuck your body up to the point you can only eat one thing

bc that's the reason i'm going off the antipsychotics and guess what, i'm able to eat more again now

idk if it's just in combination with the hormon pill tbh i'm just going off both now and we'll see how my iron levels and migrains deal lmao

i feel like i can't think straight anymore

gonna have to get new docs anyway so we'll see what they say if(/when) i go anemic again or if going off the antipsychotics will actually fix the issue??

if so, then it'll be like how did this sneak up on me, i've been taking them for 2.5 years like

??

and now i've lost 20lbs despite trying everything to maintain or gain some the past year and a half and i'm at my lowest weight since i was like a preteen lol

and that's all bc of a med that didn't feel like it had an acute effect

or maybe i'm so removed from my body i didn't notice until i got the acute gastritis ??

i mean i can't even be sure its the meds or not until i'm off

and tapering the rest off is gonna be so fun fuck

i dont wanna

i wanna be able to eat more than bread i guess but at this point the thought just scares me and like i associate it with pain and nausea

which as long as i can manage it is fine

but i've only tapered off half, i still have to taper off the other half of the dosage 😭

and with the hormon pill gone again the worst menstrual pain will be back and idk how to manage that, i guess hopefully with the meds gone i won't go anemic again but who knows at this point??

also praying my migraines don't come back but uh... i am pessimistic. i don't have much hope

anyway

moral of the story.....

ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO TAPER OFF YOUR MEDS KIDS BC EVEN JUST TAPERING IS SCARY AND GOING COLD CHICKEN IS PROBABLY HELL

doctors can be annoying (and make things harder, like in my case bc i literally asked if it could be my current meds MONTHS ago, and everyone was like noooooo but guess who was RIGHT) sometimes BUUUUT you should listen to them avout certain things

like

tapering off meds

[moonchild-in-blue]

Oh.

[number1girl]

my boss is abusive like straight up <3 <3 <3 not even in a "donate to my gofundme to help me escape an abusive living situation and by that i mean my roommate asked me to do the dishes" type of way. like i am literally trapped in the cycle of build up explosive incident honeymoon phase

[ashintheairlikesnow]

my brother brought his sick kids to family Christmas and now I am a plague riddled abomination weakly calling out for more hot tea from the couch while my body simply falls apart with me trapped inside it

[ana-rends]

i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again

[orcelito]

Either side effects started immediately or I'm just way too burnt out from how much effort I've spent on this fic this week

No writing done today. None. Nilch. I think im losing my mind a little bit actually. Unable to focus at all. It's 9 pm. I'm thinking about painting my nails and putting on a nice calm show to chill the fuck out, go to bed early, be consumed by mental illness during the night to write this last scene in the time it's embodying, edit and post in the morning

Maybe.

Just need to chill a bit. That's all.

[sskk-manifesto]

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I’ve had a few “whoops this thing I stopped doing is actually helping me” moments recently.

I’ve felt wretched and like I was coming down with the flu recently. It felt more than my normal PEM symptoms, and I was really concerned. And then I realise it’s spring, a bunch of stuff is blooming, and it’s been sooooo windy. And I stopped taking antihistamines and my nasonex sometime last year (antihistamines bc we thought it might have been causing some side effects, nasonex bc I hate the sensation of nasal sprays and need motivation to use it). Pesky hayfever. Needless to say I’m feeling much better having restarted my regimen. I felt a bit silly that I could have avoided feeing miserable though.

I went out for an appointment yesterday in my “knock about the house” shoes that are podiatrist loathed (nil ankle support, nil arch support, worn down), rather than my lace up shoes with my orthotics. After that appointment, I thought I’d check out a new store that’s opened at the shops nearby. I ended up doing a LOT of walking at the shops and today my ankles are sooooo painful and my hips been acting up. I guess it’s good to know that my shoes and orthotics are doing good things in terms of symptom prevention (as well as better longer-term outcomes) but damn do I feel ouchie.

I’m framing it as “yay negative data also tells us important things” because I gotta remember it’s not my fault when these things happen but it is good to try learn from them. And frankly, when there’s so many things going on with your health and condition management as a disabled person, it’s okay when things fall through the cracks. It’s gonna happen. Especially when there’s lots of non-disability stuff going on too. It’s okay.

[halfdeadwallfly]

me when the group conversation is triggering a bunch of instrusive thoughts and he notices that i'm uncomfortable so he keeps trying to redirect the topic without drawing everyone's attention to me 💪🥳😭🥀💌🌬️☄️🪐⛈️👾🐛🙏💌

[candyredterezii]

[vulpinesaint]

did 90 pages of my reading for three different classes is everyone proud of me :) finished the chapter on judaism for my sacred texts class, read "an apology for poetry" by sir philip sidney for my lit theory class, and did my two chapters of reading from the truth about stories by thomas king for my folklore and mythology class. and wrote a summary paper on that sacred texts chapter. and did my little writing assignment for my french class. all while sick. who is going to kiss me on the forehead and tell me i did a good job